Insert witty title here

Because... I'm back! It's been shall we say a little while! I stopped blogging last year around the time I found out we were going to have another baby.

She was roared earthside in July of 2013 and is a pixie to her pickle of a sister. 

The number of times I hear people comment that D looks like S is a little irritating because to me, D looks like S *now* but as babies they looked quite different!

Childerbeast is now Elderbeast. She's 3:9yo and an absolutely amazing kid. This week she asked what comes after twenty, and told me how to draw a T, and that her names starts with a sssss for snake.

Our family is complete now. We still live in our itty bitty blue and cream house in the Adelaide Hills. TheHusband's job still challenges us and I'm struggling to find a work:life balance for myself. 2013 is drawing to a close and 2014 is dawning soon! so here I am, planning on blogging a bit more.

On being a grown up

TheHusband has some leave this month. After working crazy hours (what, you've not heard me whine about this yet?) and crazy days, and going days without seeing me in sunshine, his job has changed. And he also has leave. How refreshing!

I have clients booked and a new one came to me for next year and I thought hey, we'll take a short holiday, combining the former with the latter. A few days in Queensland perhaps, sun surf and sand, hire a car and visit the grandparents and my parentals, and just chillax a little.

But then - reality hit. We are replacing/upgrading the kitchen in our house. What I designed was simple - 600mm 3-drawer cabinet, 900mm corner cabinet, 900mm straight cabinet, 900mm 3-drawer cabinet, maybe an infill if required, then the stove. Plus two end panels.

I used to do this for a living ;).

Oh and an 800mm wall cupboard with 2 end panels, and a 900mm wall cupboard with 2 end panels. Thus HUGELY increasing our benchspace, storage space and sanity for using our teeny kitchen.

So this is what I designed (A).
This is not what the company ordered (B).
What was ordered was also not what was delivered (C).
What we now needed to achieve The Plan (D).

Sigh.

So instead of spending yesterday ripping out the kitchen and installing bits of it, we spent 3 hours trying to work out A B and C above to achieve D. Which we did and were mighty cranky about.

Anyways, in deciding all of this I also realised that summer is upon us shortly. And while it is brief here, it is harsh and really we are going to want/need some kind of cooling system in our house. We have an old fashioned noisy, inefficient and ugly one. And it won't do much as one of the household members refuses to let it be put on as it's so noisy!

So instead of a trip, we're going to have a staycation, a night at a B&B and a new airconditioner.

In the garden

I just started to update my FB status with this:

Planted more this morning - squash pumpkins watermelon tomatoes sage basil rocket lettuce tomatoes basils to go with the radish chives and something else that are already going, the beetroots carrots sunflowers garlic spinach coriander rosemary and parsley already going in the ground out the back, the asparagus and rhubarb that are growing strong, the aloe and other medicinals, the peas going crazy over the side, and the orchard-in-progress out the front.

and realised it probably needed a blog post instead!

Gardening is not one of those things that comes easily to me I have to admit. Between a dodgy back, a string of rental properties in the past and other things on my mind, nurturing things and putting down roots has not been high on my list of things that I've done well.

So the fact that there are more than a dozen trees - mostly fruit but also a bay and some privacy trees - out front, and pots going with various plants that I've sprouted myself from cuttings, or free plants from people, or sad plants from the nursery that I've nursed back to health, makes me feel like this is Home. Which is ironic given that if TheHusband's job continues to be awesome, it is really not very sensible for us to live here. But in the meantime, we make compost and wait to see what grows out of it.

For a Wednesday, it is surprisingly productive!

Yeah my plans for today were a week out of sync with reality, so I was suddenly faced with a free day. So here's a list of things to do:

• go to supermarket and get something to slow cook for TheHusband for dinner (as I'm out!)
• check out the quaint little nursery around the corner from supermarket
• find rhubarb and asparagus
• and a bay tree
• and some medicinal herbs
• order from Diggers
• order from Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond
• do some homework
• update my business website
• paint my toenails
• get a chilli mocha
• spray the shower with something to get the worst of the surprise orange mould off
• go out for dinner with workmates
• organise pickup of coffee table
• organise collection of swing
• organise collection of new bag
• buy new shoes with voucher
• buy Volley's
• make quesedillas
• call the electrician
• washing

And a nap perhaps?

How is it mid-August already?

July FLEW by in a whirlwind of work, travel for conferences, and my first sleeps away from my baby girl. Who is not so much of a baby anymore but is still feeding a little. Yes, at 27 months the monster troubles that I had starting feeding her have not dented my commitment to breastfeeding. I feel like a secret agent for change when I offer her "bee boo"...

in public and continue with my latte-sipping, cake eating, life-living and life-giving adventures.

TheHusband is working stupid hours, so the past month has been full.on! He is doing 14 hours away ish most days, 1 week out of 5, 6 days a week. That means I do the wake-up, the morning, the midday, the nap, the afternoon, the dinner and the nighttime parenting and he misses out on it. I joke that I saw him once in the daylight last week (Saturday) - when I told a girlfriend that she laughed and said she'd seen more of him as she'd spied him *twice* on Saturday!

Hats off to single parents the world over. It is *hard* to run a house, run a family, work some, study and parent and keep sane. What falls down the list is me-things though, so I'm glad I fill my cup in a few ways:

• Doing something for myself beforehand
• Taking things REALLY slowly and leaving whole days unplanned, unfilled and unscheduled
• Investing in a slow-cooker so I can put dinner on at 9am and ignore it for the day
• Eating said-slow cooked meals over the whole week

That "something beforehand" was that I went to a breastfeeding conference on one weekend, and then the weekend after - I went away! I was meant to go to Hobart via Melbourne. Literally as I was boarding the plane I was informed that my flights were changed. Ok fine, that happens but I was not entirely thrilled with the 4+ hour layover in my home state's airport. I did not really plan for that so insisted on vouchers to spend on food. I had a laksa then an indulgent chocolate cake and coffee, killing time slowly doing some study. I then discovered that I was now going via Canberra, instead of the way I thought I was, which wasn't the issue - the getting in to Hobart at 9pm was though! So I missed the important part of the conference that I had planned to be at. That made me cranky/sad and tired.

I did get to meet the delicious Serendipity in Chaos though!!!! We had a total mutual stalking/appreciation club going on. I also re-met Kestrel from Bowl of Stones, who rocks in so many ways. It was an amazing weekend discussing homebirth and women and babies and birth and stuff and things. I also got to meet Rachel Reed of Midwife Thinking, of whom I am the biggest fan and who has re-instilled in me a love of the Welsh accent.

House wise - we are making great progress on the front yard. We now have 8 trees in, 4 more holes dug for something to screen and edge the front of our property, plans for a new path, a herb spiral and more fruit trees! Currently planted we have:

• lemon
• satsuma plum
• blood plum
• japanese mandarin
• prune
• peach
• pear
• something else

and we're going to put something deciduous in the front to give us a clear edge to our property and something else to look at other than the back of the houses across the road. 

In the backyard, the peas are going great guns, the beetroot and spinach are going well, the plot where the parsley, coriander and rosemary are was in need of a weed on the weekend because it's such a great spot for growing, and the ash is leafing at the moment!

Bring on Spring 22 September!

In warming the cockles of my house/heart

We moved to the Adelaide Hills in January, which is summer over here in Australia. South Australian summers are brutal - days above 40C, weeks above 30C even overnight. Winter up here in the Hills though is cold! Not quite Canberra cold, or Alpine cold, or Tasmania cold but it is cold enough that in April we were struggling with keeping warm. In particular we indeed to keep the small child warm. She likes having pants off, and the house is up on stumps so the floors are cold. We looked into a few options and consistently came to the conclusion that putting in any heating was pointless without solving the heat loss issues that we have because of the huge windows we have in our lounge, dining area, and bedrooms. Anything that solves this problem is going to be $$$ though - quoted several thousand for curtains and pelmets, which also wouldn't fix the heating issue. The house has (well, had now!) an oil heater that burned fuel oil for heat. Not only did it stink, it also was a fire risk, a danger to anyone at that height, and it was f'ugly as sin. I pulled the mantel off it one weekend, and when TheHusband came home he went to work and cut the pipes and pulled it outside!! It was awesome and gave us an extra metre of space on the floor, and gave us another wall to it the couch of unusual length against. Ok so one thing down, now we were left with only a wall split system c1990. Noisy, inefficient and wasteful! Plus it needs to be said that it takes up a lot of the wall as well. Not ideal when we're trying to reduce our green footprint and again we needed to deal with heat loss as well as heat generation. So we did the only sensible thing and got a quote for double glazing. It is c-razy that it is not more common here in the Hills, and in Australia! It would make a huge difference to heating and cooling needs for so many people and I don't get how the family who previously owned our house coped with the cold. It is being installed on Thursday so I'm pretty excited about it all. We went with Magnetite as they were able and willing to come and quote, and custom make rather than only being able to give us what sizes were in stock. I'll let you know how it goes past Thursday. But for now I'll be very interested to feel the difference. I also did a lot of looking into heating options - a quote for ducted was a loss because we have insulation in the ceiling that does not leave enough room for the bits and pieces and ducting required. A new split system would be lots of money ($1200 times 3!), and other options were not much more appealing. I did consider using an off peak heat storage option but we're often not home for much of the day so it wouldn't suit our lifestyle too well. In the end we found eheaters - they draw a small wattage (400W) and them combined with a timer means we now have heaters for the house! They are not very big and are easy to install onto the wall. That with a new curtain hanging on the doorway and it's cuddly warm here today for the first time. And the double glazing isn't installed yet either! I have bought exciting new thermal unders the other day - Merino wool ones in fact. And have dug out my long socks, bought new shoes (lace up school shoe types) and knit a new host. I refuse to be cold this winter. Wish me lucky,

On making soap

It's been a VERY long time between soap making adventures. I've lived here for 5 years and been with TheHusband for 7 years and I've not made soap in that time.

I haven't needed to buy soap though (though I do sometimes cause I love handmade soap!) because I used to make a lot of soap.

But on Friday I had some lovely women friends come over and watch me make soap. It was all kinds of fun! And I could feel that inner mental housekeeper walking into long-closed rooms, tossing aside the dusty curtains, pulling back the cover cloths from stylish furniture and saying words like "triglyceride" and "saponification" for the first time in a llloooooonnnnnnggggg time.

I also made a lotion. It was so easy and it is a gorgeous rose-scented one. I used a rose hydrosol though rather than essential oils and now I'm all an-itch to buy more essential oils and hydrosols and oils!

DIY kind of weekend

I bought some white rice paper lantern shades for some lights in our house when we moved in here in January, but didn't really consider that our teeny house is actually not the one with the vaulted ceilings I imagine and the previous owners for some reason put pendulum lights underneath the fans in various rooms and lo! you have yo watch yourself underneath them when the fans are on and you are more than 6' tall.

So these huge lanterns were just not going to work on the bare lights around the place. I bought some paper punch shapes - pond leaves and butterflies apparently - and glued them on with PVA.

So much fun.

Happy birth day

Well. Another circle around our beloved sun today for my daughter. And perhaps when I'm feeling less emotional I might post more about it. And when I get some photos from the amazing Billie I will definitely tell you about the AMAZING Very Hungry Caterpillar themed 2nd birthday party I had today.

But a little bit of reflection. Today was the 2nd anniversary of birthing my babe, at home, into my own hands. It's like an annual refresher in how amazing that journey was, how amazing the experience was and how amazing a person I am. 

Be warned - I am in it, naked and birthing and then swearing. And you may need tissues. I do *sniff*.

I also want to acknowledge and own the fact that I am now mama to what is becoming known as a "WHO baby" - one who is breastfed exclusively to 6 months, and then to 2 years (and beyond if we both want it which we seem to). 

I have breastfed for 2 years. 

Me. Who had a whole slew of challenges and nearly gave up in the first few weeks. Who cried more times than I care to think about over something that I'd assumed would come easily.

That is what is the biggest achievement in my head. My beginning breastfeeding was so tenuous in my head. The advice, to just "take each feed as the only one you have to get through" is really good advice when one is developing a major anxiety complex around breastfeeding. But it lead me to feel that the whole experience was tenuous, that any some stage someone (my midwife, my husband, someone close to me) would take my babe away and feed her something else. Wished for it at times, with cracked bleeding nipples and the most amazing pain. But I got through it and damn I'm proud of myself for that too. 

In other news from today, I also planted this:

My daughter now has roots in our home in a way that I hope make her even more aware of where she came from. 

Now with monthly posts

Or so it seems. Not intentionally but it's crazy pants time around here.

Yesterday was 2 parties.
Today I slept for a few hours as I have a raging sore throat. Which has now gone.
Between now and the end of April:
- TheChild's birthday
- my birthday
- TheHusband's graduation
- my graduation
- our wedding anniversary
- a wedding!!!
- TheHusband's birthday

as well as a public holiday, and Hot Cross Bun weekend.

I'm also doing more of my Certificate IV in breastfeeding, working, juggling quasi-single parenting during the week with TheHusband's commute, as well as getting my own business underway and feeling like a blob and I'm currently hunting for my diary.

Excuse me while I go to bed so I can get up for a 6:30am gym class o_O.

So many new things to share...

• We bought a house. Settling on a house is crazy stressful, not helped at all because the bank misspelled my name. Karon anyone? I was not impressed but was impressed by our financial advisor reading them the riot act and forcing them to work long hours to fix the problem. Although if he'd not fobbed me off 3 days earlier it might not have been the stress it was in the end. It's done now and we're on the path of painting, decorating, and enjoying.
• We moved house. I hate moving house. On the upside I don't have to do it again for a very. long. time. On the downside, I won't have the urge to purge my worldly possessions anytime soon.
• I did paint a wall yellow, and TheHusband lovingly painted the kickboard from the 900mm pantry that was a BITCH to install the same colour, and then a friend made a wall decoration with the same colour, aptly named "Happy".
• I won't feel settled until I have the internet at home though. 3 weeks without it is HARD. I'm in a cafe right now and am sick of telling people that no, I don't have the internet so I can't blog / read their email / write a long detailed message.

101 things in 1001 days! #2

My old list is done and dusted as of September (hush yes, I forgot to write about it then - I was kind of busy!), and with the new year on its way so soon!!! I thought I'd write another one. I have a better idea of what I can accomplish too.

My new list incorporates some of the old list, you will see, but with a lot of new things too!


The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

1. Write down all my baggage and burn it 
2. Put my camera gear into my hard case
3. Fly a kite
4. Put up a compliments notice board in a public place
5. Throw TheDoctor a party to celebrate his PhD-dom
6. Put together our wedding video and show it to people
7. Enter something into the Royal Adelaide Show
8. Host a high tea for homebirth
9. Go to a pagan meeting
10. Go to a cricket match
11. Do three things to make our home more green
12. Do a kind deed for a stranger, with no expectation of it being reciprocated
13. Have a sleepover
14. Do a weekend away
15. Take a photo a day for a month
16. Answer 50 questions that will free your mind
17. Get a pedicure
18. Tattoo my scar on my left shoulder
19. Find a personally inspirational quote and work it into a piece of art
20. Buy a piece of art and hang it
21. Make cushions for my couch
22. Take a photography class
23. Make a list of 25 things I'm truly grateful for
24. Organise a craft retreat
25. Write a will
26. Become a marriage celebrant
27. Get my ears pierced some more (3 more times)
28. Go overseas
29. Go bushwalking/hiking
30. Sort out superannuation and consolidate
31. Write to 5 people by hand
32. Plan a surprise birthday party
33. Take a weekend away with my sweetie
34. Try a new cuisine
35. Get engagement/wedding tattoo
36. Take a photography course
37. Learn tai chi
38. Go camping for a weekend
39. Go on a winery tour of the Maclaren Vale
40. Paint 2 inspirational canvases
41. Decorate the bedroom wall
42. Visit someone interstate by surprise
43. Do a burlesque class
44. Buy 5 pieces of lingerie
45. Catch a train across the country
46. Go somewhere tropical
47. Celebrate 4 pagan festivals
48. Go on a girly road trip
49. Do a pottery class
50. Go fruit picking in autumn
51. Attend a wine vintage festival
52. Take 6 'us' photos and frame them
53. Host a photo scavenger hunt
54. Make a list of 100 things that make me Happy
55. Write out 10 family recipes in a cook book and share them with siblings
56. Send someone flowers
57. See someone amazing in concert
58. Go away for a trip by myself
59. Attend a book signing
60. Make a herb garden
61. Plant our placenta
62. Sand and refinish a coffee table
63. Sell a photo through RedBubble
64. Photograph a day in my life
65. Finish the time capsule for Sally
66. Build a henge over a year
67. Ride in a hot air balloon
68. Bake a rainbow cake
69. Do a yoga class
70. Give contact lenses another go
71. Write a letter to myself in 1001 days
72. Make an iTunes playlist of 101 of my favourite songs
73. Make a list of sites I'm a member of, and passwords there
74. Make a house journal
75. Set up an altar and seasonal table
76. Get my passport
77. See a musical
78. Knit a scarf for winter
79. Send hand written cards for birthdays to 5 people
80. Buy a red 4 slice toaster
81. Find a Friday fill in to do
82. Learn about EFT
83. Buy an overlocker
84. Set up a sewing corner
85. Learn to juggle
86. Buy a flute
87. Take some lessons in playing said flute
88. Buy a really good pair of jeans
89. Try indoor rock climbing
90. Drink a cocktail on a beach
91. Go star gazing
92. Do the City to Bay
93. Find wooden dinner plates and buy them
94. Buy a couch to suit the room!!
95. Make wrapping paper with Sally
96. Use a "shelf elf" for Solstice
97. Go a week without swearing
98. Play bingo in a bingo hall
99. Build a teepee
100. Build a bonfire and toast marshmallows
101. Write another 101 list

Happy Solstice to me!

Well I have to say that I am still alive (if you're on FB you know this of course as I was described the other day as a "prolific" poster) but in bumping into an old friend yesterday I realised that I have a LOT to update on.

• My motor vehicle accident compensation case settled. The money has been paid, Centrelink / ATO / the universe has been repaid, and 
• We bought a new house with the money. Settlement is on 13 January and I'm excited! about it but not looking forward to moving (again for the last time for a while, right?).
• I did my filing (for the first time, thoroughly, in about 5 years).
• My baby turned 1 and 3/4.
• She started walking! and has a lot of words.

• She had really bad gastro, which we got through by lying on the couch and her going back to being exclusively breastfed. The feedback from the hospital, whom I consulted because she was really sick, for a really long time, was that "breastfeeding saves lives, even here in our country, and I wish more women could do it for toddlers because it'd save them having to be on a drip!".
• I won $10,000 in a competition and am planning a midwifery clinic in my head!
• I did a big cull of people on my FB friends list, because there were people there that I felt obligated to have but in reality the wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire give me the time of day. 
• I bought a new lens for my camera, and have been taking AWESOME photos of births recently. I love love love it and my only regret about my own birth is that I didn't get similarly awesome documentary photos. 
• So NOT a reason to have another baby though.

• I finished my degree!! I got that beautiful, system-generated email on Saturday morning, the day before the end of the study period that I was enrolled in. I have received my formal statement of my academic transcript, and have submitted everything to AHPRA for my registration and now am just waiting for some little busy beaver of a public servant to tick one itty box and register me already! That's all I want for Solstice.
• Which was yesterday and it was a lovely day, even if I did have to work in retail for another Christmas lead up.
• But my gift to me was that I gave notice to my employer! I finish on 8 January after 5+ years at the House of Bun. I will be sad to leave but onward and upward, right?
• I put Sally's name down for a new childcare venue in my new local area. That was big and freaky, but even more freaky was getting my daughter's name onto a class list. For 2015. For school. Woh freaky grown up feelings there!
• Oh we sorted out our wills, power of attorney, superannuation and life insurances. Also a HUGE stroke of very grown up.

Just to show I'm not crazy

I'll write an update shortly on the life of Emma but for now, let me tell you what I did today. I went and saw a new doctor, under my own steam, and talked about a new treatment modality I'm going to try.

Let me tell you that the idea for a book is burbling around in my head. Because being the victim of a motor vehicle accident, and then coming out the other side of it, is something that you should be warned of at the beginning.

It is truly liberating to go to a doctor today, and not have to hand over my client number or name lawyers. And the doctor I saw cleared up a few thing, namely that I'm not crazy.

• Yes, the tinnitus is because of my injury. It's inflammation-caused though, which is why it fluctuates.
• Yes, my arms really are longer! I have complained/commented about this recently and over the past few years, that arms of long sleeved shirts never are long enough. And today the doctor explained that because of my injury I roll my shoulders forward and droop my arms longer!
• Yes, pain is pain. It's not just "because". It is genuine and NORMAL and treatable and most importantly - is real.
• Yes the injury I've had to my pelvis and the ongoing symptoms are consistent. I didn't have to convince him of this though which was surprising!
• Yes my sense of taste and smell have diminished because of inflammation as well - not because I'm crazy.

The treatment I'm having is going to be $$$$ but from what I've heard so far from others enjoying it, and from scouring the internet, it is genuine and offers me a chance to get back to being

I want an unfurrowed brow.
I want to sleep easily.
I want to not feel like I'm always on tenterhooks.
I want some reserves in energy. And mood.

This is aside from wanting my life back.

Follow your bliss

"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time."

--Joseph Campbell

My bliss is not really allowing me to follow it at the moment. Sigh ok sure that's the point. That if I follow the tiny smidge of bliss in my life I will live the life I should be living.

The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure. 

--Joseph Campbell

So I decided after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing that I would apply for a graduate position as a midwife. At best, it would mean I have another option for 2012, as our house purchase fell through due to a technicality in our financing (damn you GFC!)

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

--Joseph Campbell

I'm trying to embrace all of these things.

I am waiting until 15 September to find out what is happening with my court case. Chances are that there will be another delay, to go with the other 4 that I've had. Colour me VERY surprised if that doesn't happen.
We will decide what we're doing with housing then. Until then, just staying in the moment. Surrounded by boxes.
We will get a rental for 6 months (Sept-March) in an area we like - on the tram line perhaps? Near the beach? Near a cafe strip?
Or if we do settle, we'll look into buying a house.
Then early November I'll find out if anyone wants to take me on as a graduate (bwahahahahaha I'm not betting that they will - I am brilliant on paper until you get to the "Do you have a disability" part and then I'm sure I'll go to the bottom of the list). But I think I can set a start date for March 2012.
The adventure is that I've applied for country placements. Which makes life more complicated but more of an adventure!
Which leaves me with finishing up at Bunnings in December, after 5 years there. I'll have to work out what to do with the shares I hold in the Bunnings parent company when I leave there.

But for now, I'm just waiting for TheBabe to drive around on her car.

Back to midwifery

There is a lot of swirling in midwifery recently - the past 2 weeks have been rather tumultuous.

Which made me realise that I've not posted about midwifery in a long time. Lots of reasons - I am only 15 weeks away from finishing my degree, I have applied for a graduate position after a LOT of heartache and back and forthing with TheHusband, and it's just been a damn hard slog. I'm a little over it but I also need to dive back in.

But recently there's been a lot in the media - one midwife dragged into court to face a very one-sided roasting, midwives running around like chickens sans head about nothing, and lots of mentions about the rate of homebirths going up. All things to tempt me out of the hermitage!

And getting my brain working again. What I think this adds up to is that there is a push to define what a midwife is. Not just in the ways it's been done (to death) already but in a specific, task-oriented, check this list kind of way. So that if you palpate a belly, check any physiological measure, or whatever I've spent the past 5 years learning how to do - not the important stuff of working with women but the practical skills - then I need to be registered. And just as practicing medicine without a license is a crime, so practicing midwifery without registration will be.

And what that means is that only registered midwives will be allowed to practice midwifery. So midwives who are off the register won't be allowed to practice. Not just "are not allowed to call themselves midwives" but won't be allowed to support women in pregnancy or birth. Which I think is what some midwives in private practice have been working towards all along. And it will be the undoing of midwifery and be more limiting that freeing.

Midwifery will get more few layers. Doulas who do the old-fashioned and SO VALUABLE stuff of midwifery of supporting women in their travail with no medical advice involved; lay midwives who combine herbology, aromatherapy, body work, psychology and so much else to caring for women in their community; registered midwives in private practice hog-tied by insurance and regulation to not attend anyone who is not perfectly "no risk"; eligible for Medicare registered midwives doing even less midwifery and more paperwork; and the rest of the midwives who are able to go to work in the system.

And thus there will be another change in how women are served. We started off attending the births of our friends and neighbours, then worked on our own, trained apprentices doing the attending and so on. We tended our gardens and the ill, laid out the dead and welcomed the new, and our reputations were the most important.

Then changes came with the invention of anaesthetic and forceps and thus obstetricians were separated from midwives and the skills were separated. And so much was lost for the women.

Then into the hospitals.
Then into the universities.
And now this.

Call me paranoid but I think the persecution of Lisa for her role in a tragedy that had little to do with her and instead is part of the push to define midwives and limit practice of my craft to only those that hold registration.

To the woman in the shops today with the child...

I came home today from work and saw an article by Janet Fraser entitled "To the woman at the shops with the weeping babe".

I saw you today, at the shops, my sister. I saw you pushing a pram, perusing scarves, unable to respond to the bleating, hiccupping cries and jagged breaths of your newborn. I heard the babe cry out over and over, “Help me. Hold me close. Comfort me. Show me I’m not alone.” and yet in your aloneness, you were kept from responding. Was I seeing the trauma of your babe’s birth in action? The fragmented care of a brutal maternity system which prizes compliance above wellness? The ugly effects of industrialised parenting and the mould into which we are all shoved in this 21st century Sparta? I saw your babe’s face as she shut down and stared blankly at you from the pram and I felt my heart break for you both.

And it has encouraged me to write about something I saw today.

I see you, woman that could be me. I saw you stalk by, wound up tighter than a spring and glowering at everyone who passed. You were a woman on a retail mission today, something clasped in your hand and an item in your mind. You and many others were in the store and they were in your way and I could see that everything was going to annoy you. How much it clearly annoyed you that your child was with you, that your child existed in your timeline for consumption today.

I saw your daughter, frisky and boisterous in her enjoyment of the freedom of childhood. Probably irritating as fingers through cornflour, but really, what harm is there in a little frustration at your offspring's mercurial and inexplicable moods? As you stalked by she stopped to gather a trolley for her treasures. Isn't that what childhood is about? Learning to borrow a trolley, learning to keep your treasures safe and enjoying the excitement of a trip to a store when the reason is lost on you? Isn't it about taking time slowly because childhood whips past so quickly? About learning the tradeoffs between having to suffer the inconvenience of accompanying your mother to the shops instead of the park, because you get a trolley for a few minutes?

Is it really important that you had to stop a moment to untangle the trolley for your daughter? Her yelp at being caught up on another trolley was one of frustration but perhaps, if you'd waited, she would have sorted it out and you could have had a wry smile on your face, a mixture of pride and amusement and something to salve your own anger. And she would have happily gamboled along with you instead of slinking along, rubbing her thigh.

Instead, at that yelp, I saw your anger, your hurt, your baggage, gather suddenly and focus on your child and instead of helping her, you rounded on her and took two swooping fast strides down from the pedestal you are on as her mother, and even as she said "No mummy!" in a thin piping but strong voice, you picked her up and bundled her down an aisle and slapped her. I heard it, clear as day. You smacked her, in public and in a way that made me shake on the inside. In a way that reminded me of a childhood, and made me feel sick.

No one stopped you. No one asked if she was alright, even as she cried and you picked her up roughly and continued to stalk down the store. I hope you were mortified and embarrassed, just as I was shaking and upset at this and had to take a few deep breaths.

And I'm no better for putting my employment above standing up for a child.



If my husband did that to me, there would be police called and cups of tea made but because it's a parent doing it to a child, it's ok in many people's eyes. I hate people who hit their children. There is not justification for it. It is wrong and a symptom of how screwed up the world is that people are going to argue with me on that.


 I remember being smacked by my parents and what I remember isn't the lesson learned - I remember so many other things and so many chips in our relationship.

Seventeen months old!

Dear S - you have been with me in individuality for 17 months. You have turned my world upside down and back to front and put it back together in ways I can't convey and can't quite believe.

In the past week, you have become even more amazing and astounding. You've learnt so many words! Book, sock, fish, cheese, peas, beer, biscuit, car, cat... and so many more! Mama, daddy, papa, Katie and Zaza as well. You also waited last Saturday for me to get home to show me that you can clamber up my side and let go and stand on your own.

You've done some growing as well - 80cm long and out of a heap of your size 1 tops! You are 10kg and because of the increase in your length/height I am loving wrapping you on my back again. I know you're growing because you've gone back to a 7am wakeup, morning napy and then midday nap. That and eating me out of most things in the fridge.

You love reading books and making noises for things, such as a dog bark (urh urh) and beep beep on a nose. You are suddenly in love with a stuffed cotton bunny that I wish I could remember the gifter for, and it's cute to see you ask for it last thing at night. You have so many words for foods and feed me and hungry and more and I love the amazing leaps you're making in communication. Which is lovely given that you spent last week screeching in frustration at me and not sleeping. But the LEAP in development is pay off.

Oh baby do you love dancing! And talking, singing, la la la ing along, and having whole conversations with people. You love to say "Haaaaiiiii!" to anyone we see and you love to smile with your whole body. You love food - mandarin, cheese, peas, meat, egg, grapes. Not so keen on banana and avocado.

You are slightly a neat freak with sorting and storing things. You get a bit upset when things aren't in the right spots and love to unpack the plates cupboard or the baking drawer. Your receptive language is obviously huge compared to your spoken language and I have to be careful to remember that. You can stack blocks, play with a large ball, put things away and LOVE musical instruments and shaking things for rhythm.

A pencil or crayon and some paper and you're a happy girl. You love to scribble and write and play with colour. You love watching me draw as well and are impressed with my skills which is amusing given I have no drawing skills! You ask "Whatisthat!?" all the time and can follow instructions sometimes. You do get upset when something bad happens though - a spilled glass of water or a broken glass and you're upset even if I or TheHusband don't show any kind of upset. 

It's funny isn't it that so many of your fine motor skills are well developd but you're not walking yet. You crawl and climb and clamber and frankly, I'm fine with you not walking just yet. You're hard enough work without that added bonus! I know you'll get there really soon - just in time for summer so you can toddle in the park and at the beach and in the bush. You can feed yourself well, love using adult-sized cutlery and insist on eating what I'm having which means that I'm watching what I eat a lot more than I used to! You love yoghurt and brown rice and fruit, or porridge.

You are the light of my life. My life revolves around you and I love it.

Blargh

I have a strange thing with my chest. I've had whooping cough twice, and when I get a cold or anything in Winter I get asthma that flares up. It sucks and is frustrating and distracting from the rest of the things I have to think about. Especially when I don't like taking my inhaler for it as it gives me the shakes but don't have many other options and have a lot to think on!

It's kind of a long list at the moment. Buying a house is heinously stressful. There is so much crap and fluff and ritual around it. So many boxes to tick and fit into and then other bits that are skated over. It's kind of confusing for the first timer, ya know? And then when I know what I'm doing it'll all be done and I won't do this again evah ;).

I did joke to TheHusband today that the next time we buy our first home it'll be a lot easier. Har har.

At this stage, we are settling at the end of August and moving in the first half of September. Our landlord who is a GEM has offered to advertise the place from that stage as well which means we *might* not have to pay rent at the same time as rent. Maybe.

Add to that that my last placement EVAH for my degree is going to be difficult to manage because I got option number "not even on my list" which means I have to drive an hour each way each shift and there's a lot on my mind at the moment. But I have been doing some knitting - I finished another Milo just the other day, and have knit more of my super secret project as well.

And look! I posted a blog post. Which isn't a fabulous one (yes I did take my inhaler and am all over the place) but it is done! Good night.

On doing my tax

Did my tax. Sigh. I wish we could just agree to get back roughly $x of what we pay out through the year. Agree on some deductions, agree on some surcharges. And be done. Cause I get the same amount back roughly each year.

It did take me a while to do my tax this year. I've had a husband for the entire year and a child for the entire year as well. But I had to wait on so. many. pieces. of. PAPER - Centrestink, Flinders University, Adelaide University, Bunnings, share statements - that it took 2 weeks to get through.

I love doing my tax. I know some people get upset about it. That "their money" is hanging out somewhere other than in their hands for up to a year, and should be theirs instead! But I like having some forced savings through the year, and a money balance sheet that is in my favour.

Now I'm waiting for the money to come back to us. What with buying a new house and all, the money we can get in needs to be accounted for and the more the merrier! So much more for the plans we have for next year as well.

But that's for another post ;).