11 things to update you on for Sally!

Cause she was 11 months old on the weekend before last.

Valentine's Day last year was my last day at work before I had a baby.

She is the most amazing, delightful and beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure of. Even when things are tough, I know that things will be easy very soon afterwards.

1. She now eats food. Last month, she would play with it, taste it, and drop it. Now she eats. Which is FUN and GREAT but now I have to think of what to feed her.
2. She can pull herself up on low things - footstool, couch edge, mama's pants. Doesn't do much from there, and panics a bit once she's up as she can't work out how to get down, but she can do it. She does stand momentarily then collapses, so doesn't do it much but I think she'll just start walking one day soon, as she does like to walk holding our hands. 
3. She has crawling down pat and is very amusing to watch. She gets a boost on when she wants to get to something moveable (cat) or something she's not supposed to have (cat food). 
4. She waves goodbye and hello, catches people's eyes to chat to them, says "dat" and points, will follow direction (Chase papa! Where's mama?), loves banging things together or shaking them to make NOISE/music, and just last week learnt a whole new suite of syllables. 
5. She has started to suck on a dummy, or on her thumb, but not for comfort - just for sucking on something. She sucks all the way on the lower edge of her thumb though, breastfeeding style, which is quite interesting, with lips flanged and K shaped. 
6. She loves putting things into containers, understands no and ahuh and yes, nods and shakes her head, and gets an evil glint in her eye sometime when she's up to mischief. She also likes to crawl with whatever she was playing with, in her mouth, so when she stops it's there too. Object permanence?
7. She loves swimming in the ocean and the pool - a real water baby.
8. She has great pitch! She can aaaahhhhhh a note and hold it while mama finds a harmony and papa does too. It's rather creepy!
9. She has also worked out how to blow bubbles in her spit, with the same aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. G...R....OSS.
10. She loves music, creating music, a good beat to boogie to, and any musical instrument. It's so lovely to watch her hunt down those toys at childcare.
11. She has broken the 9kg mark now, and is tall for her age, and has mama's arms - the longer-than-usual ones. Sigh. That's going to make winter top shopping a challenge.

Snapping point

Do you have one? Mine apparently is when I have to wait and wait and wait. FUCK will SOMETHING just resolve, PLEASE?? Or I may have to take up a hermitage.

• I am awaiting a client birthing. This one is not one of the things I'm remotely anxious about. It'll happen sometime this month, and I'm used to that - the being on call, the being prepared and not going too far from home but still getting on with my life. It's lovely to pack a bag each morning when I go out, with my camera, two lenses, 3 batteries, nappies etc for Sally and some snacks. Exciting even!

On the other hand, the following items are driving me insane with the waiting:

• UniSA continues to demonstrate that they can't organise their way out of a wet paper bag. With a map. And a headlamp. And a trail of breadcrumbs. I have placement in a matter of weeks and after busting my hump to get my paperwork updated so I could put preferences in two weeks ago, I still don't know where I'm going. Placements were supposed to be out last week. But still nothing. And no response to my polite, friendly, chatty emails. I therefore also don't have a roster for placement. So I can't work out meals, childcare, cars, transport, whether we can billet someone
• I don't have my training package from the ABA yet. Apparently it was posted to me in early December. I have been chasing it for 3 weeks now and *now* someone tells me this detail, revealing that it is likely to have been lost and therefore offering to send me another one. I have a training day on Saturday that will now be pointless as I don't have ANY work to do for the subject we're discussing.
• Virgin Mobile have told TheHusband that he can have an iPhone4 in 10 days. I've been waiting for 4 weeks to be told when they'll even have stock of them. I am pissed at this. My phone is unreliable, frustrating and still on a plan so I'd rather stay with Virgin than move and have to pay out my contract. So I ask for an upgrade so I can stay with Virgin. Sure, that's fine says Virgin but we'll let you know when they're in stock. TheHusband calls yesterday and gets a different story. I call today and get told the same story as before. I am pissed at this because it's either a) one of us being lied to or b) him getting different treatment as he's male. Not sure which makes me angrier. I have a loan phone for the meantime but want it resolved.
• I am waiting on pay for work I've done over the past few weeks, as a casual for two universities. Pay for these is notoriously fickle.
• I have a court date for settlement of my injury claim, on the 22nd. But I'm waiting for an appointment with my lawyers. And for that date to come around as well.

Sigh. What I need in the meantime is a massage, someone to clean my floors, bathroom and toilet, a fairy to sort out the spare room, something to resolve some time soon, and some sleep.

Or just someone to cheer me on. And bring me wine.

The inside story on childcare

Sally's been going to childcare 1-2 days a week for a few weeks now. And I thought I'd post the "why" and "whatfor" of what it means for me. Not in a defensive way either - this is, surprisingly enough, not a rant at anyone for a change. Maybe motherhood has tempered me.

Bwahahahaha. Hardly.

So yesterday she was at childcare as well but I spent the day running around doing errands. Hardly a pleasant day to be honest, or maybe it was a pleasant day but not enough to outweigh not having my babe around. We got up early, which meant Sally didn't get her extra hour's "night" sleep after motoring around for an hour. We showered together, then I dropped her at childcare, collected a lens that's on loan to me for a birth, had a remedial massage, had lunch at the markets to celerbate Chinese New Year with some girlfriends and their childers, went to Lincraft and picked Sally up. It was hot and humid! and then I had to go to work. Somewhere in there I also went to Target to collect a layby and buy new shorts as well. Way easier without a small to get in and out of the car, and carry around, and feed, change and entertain, no doubt about it. But it is also not my life at the moment.

Today however, we woke up, had a play, motored around, then Sally went down for a nap while I sorted out 5 baskets of washing. It is my pet HATE of housework - folding washing. Sally was up after an hour, we showered and packed up and I took her to childcare a little later than usual. A phonecall interrupted the drive but I spoke to my husband, who I didn't even see awake yesterday. Childcare dropoff was fine and I had a lovely chat with one of her carers. I walked out into the humid! weather and went home.

I'm now watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl, drinking hot tea and eating a biscuit. I am also blogging which I don't get to do much with a small at my feet. I have plans to have a coffee date with my husband this afternoon before we collect Sally from childcare. I know she's safe and happy there for a few hours today and this morning was a good connection so she is extra happy. I am doing what I want without interruption.

That's what mother's work is. Interruption. I can't do anything without interruption. Most of the time that is fine but uninterrupted sleep, hobby'ing, cleaning that cupboard that was grotty but I haven't had a chance to wipe over, painting my toenails - that's what I miss about the BC era (before childerbeast). Most of the time I can be piqued about it momentarily and then get on with the job, as anyone would. But when I'm stressed about Life, it helps to know that I can recharge the batteries just a little.

And if that's what childcare is to me - a chance to recharge - then I'm paying for the privilege anyways. I don't have parentals closeby to help out. I don't have friends who I can leave Sally with "just" so I can recharge. And until you've been a parent you don't, won't understand what it is to be empty and need a recharge. Needs some self-nurturing. Needs to just do. my. own. THING! for a few minutes, and stop when I want to, not to tend to a boo or feed a mouth or water a babe or do anything. Or do something because I want to. To recharge and nurture myself.

Who nurtures the nurturer if not... well, whom? Who helps me when I'm dealing with my own demons and angsts, and stresses and abrasions on my soul and I have to give so much to someone else. The days or weeks when I have stuff to deal with (alas, another post) I feel myself short with Sally. Cranky when she won't co-operate with my ridiculous and unfair expectations, like going to sleep. Upset that I can't be, do more for her. Upset at what I am and do for her already maybe not being enough.

And with that, I'm going to reclaim my kitchen, and clean that cupboard that's been annoying me.