Sigh. One of these days I will just know that when I'm passionate about something - a package is late in the mail, I've not heard back from x about y, something or other hasn't happened - that I'm just a day early! Because the day after my last post I got a call saying that Sally could get in for 2 days a week in the new year. So that's 2 days of it sorted. I could have panicked and said no, I need all days! but I feel the universe saying take this, it's all I could sort out at short notice, can that tide you over til I fill in the gaps? And so I am.
I went down yesterday to fill in the paperwork and today she had a trial in the morning of an hour. Or should I say that I had a trial because really, she thinks it's awesome and a lot of fun. I dropped her off, filled in more forms (about her routine, which made me twitch cause it's all very soft an flexible and not set times, and also about her food - breastfed baby so no milk, water is ok, doesn't like banana, drinks out of a cup but not a bottle), went to visit a dear friend, then went back and collected her and we went home.
Cue the whole "Ugh am I doing the right thing? Should she still be mostly-breastfed at this age? Can they cope with that? How is she going to go to sleep when she's not breastfed to sleep by me, or in a sling with TheHusband or Alice? Will she eat lots there? And affect our breastfeeding relationship? Or eat nothing? Can we afford this? We can't afford for me not to finish school but at what price to Sally? Will it be a good thing? I think it will be but is that my needing it to be ok rather than it actually being ok." And also all the feeling judged (not in a bad way but in a normal human way) by her, her outfit, her routine and development, her habits and peculiarities.
On the upside, the carers seemed really open to hearing everything I had to say about Sally and her eating and routine. They are also happy to do cloth nappies, which thrills my little heart.