Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Famous last words

Sigh. One of these days I will just know that when I'm passionate about something - a package is late in the mail, I've not heard back from x about y, something or other hasn't happened - that I'm just a day early! Because the day after my last post I got a call saying that Sally could get in for 2 days a week in the new year. So that's 2 days of it sorted. I could have panicked and said no, I need all days! but I feel the universe saying take this, it's all I could sort out at short notice, can that tide you over til I fill in the gaps? And so I am.

I went down yesterday to fill in the paperwork and today she had a trial in the morning of an hour. Or should I say that I had a trial because really, she thinks it's awesome and a lot of fun. I dropped her off, filled in more forms (about her routine, which made me twitch cause it's all very soft an flexible and not set times, and also about her food - breastfed baby so no milk, water is ok, doesn't like banana, drinks out of a cup but not a bottle), went to visit a dear friend, then went back and collected her and we went home.

Cue the whole "Ugh am I doing the right thing? Should she still be mostly-breastfed at this age? Can they cope with that? How is she going to go to sleep when she's not breastfed to sleep by me, or in a sling with TheHusband or Alice? Will she eat lots there? And affect our breastfeeding relationship? Or eat nothing? Can we afford this? We can't afford for me not to finish school but at what price to Sally? Will it be a good thing? I think it will be but is that my needing it to be ok rather than it actually being ok." And also all the feeling judged (not in a bad way but in a normal human way) by her, her outfit, her routine and development, her habits and peculiarities.

On the upside, the carers seemed really open to hearing everything I had to say about Sally and her eating and routine. They are also happy to do cloth nappies, which thrills my little heart. 

2 comments:

Ness said...

*hugs* Choosing and then starting childcare is so bloody hard, you feel damned no matter what you do. Sally will be fine, she sounds like such a cruisey bubba that she'll just fit in with whatever happens and go with the flow :-) A would only go to sleep on the boob for me, wouldn't sleep for K AT ALL, but went to sleep happily at daycare being rocked in a pram... Breastfeeding wasn't affected, he's still feeding now nearly three years after he started daycare :)

Much love to you, I'm happy to listen at any time if you need to talk out the feelings surrounding daycare with someone who has been there *hugs*

pezzae said...

Is this at the awesome centre? 2 days of awesome is definitely better than none, and you can always put her in at the other one the other 3 days if you need to while you're on the waitlist for more days.
I went through exactly the same freakout as you - will she get enough milk, will she sleep, OMG we are supposed to have a routine?! (When I said we didn't have a routine, one of the carers said 'oh, she has one, you just might not know what it is yet. Write down what she does over a few days, it doesn't have to be the same to the nearest minute to be a routine.') And the comparisons, of course, leading to the feelings of being judged.
Carers that listen are excellent. Carers that are open to cloth are also a v good sign.
On the breastfeeding - I take it pumping and bottle-feeding EBM is not an option? You could try sending some EBM to give in a cup, if you are ok with it probably being spilt! Coming over in your lunch break for a feed is worth doing if possible. But if you can't, feed when you drop her off and pick her up, and you'll both adjust (she might feed more at night though).
On sleep - do you guys have a stroller? B would not sleep in a cot either, but she would sleep in a stroller, so at daycare they just used that until she was old enough to go on a mattress on the floor. At home I still have to feed her to sleep, but when I'm not there she goes to sleep by herself when she's tired.
I'm sure it will be ok. B loooves her daycare, and her carers. I like that she gets a nice balance of stimulation and learning experiences there, and quiet days with me. And I appreciate being able to maintain my career and calling, and we're all happier.